Her last appointment with Lynn was on a cold day in 2001. She walked into Modern Hair Studio, smiling from ear to ear. She was excited for the happy head of hair that lied ahead of her and feeling warm for the next two and a half hours that would consist of catching up, giggles and flirty friendly conversation.
His hair was styled differently. He looked a little edgier than usual and he had a different air about him than he normally did. No matter how many times she sat in his chair, she always had a few butterflies and felt a little bit nervous. She could never figure out why. On this day she had a few butterflies, but the nerves were gone. That was cool because it was Lynn. What was there to be nervous about, her dark roots? He’d clearly seen worse.
That day they talked a lot about relationships. She had a sour taste in her mouth about those right then because she’d just gotten out of one and it wasn’t by choice. A little bit of hurt pride may have been a cause for her ill feelings…maybe. She dated a few guys since the split with her little girl’s dad two years before. Overall the experiences were good but none were lasting. She was at a point where she wondered if there was ever one that would be. He was currently flying solo as well, also having a less than optimistic opinion about the concept of relationships, and he vented a bit of that feeling to her. He didn’t understand why good girls ended up with bad boys. The ironic part of his opinion was that he was a self-proclaimed bad boy. Maybe what he really meant was that he was a good boy with a bad boy edge…Regardless, she shared his sentiment. Nice guys do finish last…but so do nice girls. They discussed this at length, both concluding that they were each destined to be chosen over, tossed aside for literal less desirables, and left to forever wonder why.
As they were talking, she realized why she wasn’t nervous that day. At this very moment - and for once in their four-year stylist and client friendship - they were both single. Before this appointment, she half-jokingly told her friend at work (and one of his other clients) that she thought he was gorgeous, she loved his personality, and what if she ever dated him? “Girl, it’s Lynn! You can’t date him!” Well. She was known to break rules sometimes. Sometimes.
After her color processed and he washed her hair, he started snipping her ends enough to look healthy and long, all at the same time. Soon, the artistic, fast magical hands of round brushing and blow-drying would have her at supermodel status. She was always so excited about that part. The chatter about tatty relationships was still deep in context. It led to other aspects of life that weren’t the easiest or happiest at the time, as well as the ways to fix them. It was during this part of the conversation when he dropped the bomb on her.
“I’m heading to Arizona in a few weeks. Mom and dad have been out there for a while and I don’t really have much of a reason to stay here anymore. Things have been pretty rough the last year or so and I need to just start over...”
She’ll remember that sentence - word-for-word - always. What she can’t and won’t remember is what he said after that because her heart sank, and the rest of what he said trailed off into an inaudible blur of nothingness.
He offered a recommendation for her to see another stylist at Modern Hair – which she did one time after he was gone – but she couldn’t get past the lump in her throat or the knot in her stomach. Not only was she selfishly freaking out because there would never be another “Hair God” like him to call her own, but she was losing a friend. A whole other novel could be written about her deep-rooted abandonment issues and the ongoing feeling of losing others but that isn’t what any of this is about. It’s about her first reaction of sadness and heartache and not even recognizing that even back then – so many years ago – it was there.
It was already there.
Maybe that’s why any time he would call to say hello out of the blue after he left, her entire soul felt warm and at ease. Maybe that’s why the sound of his voice always soothed her no matter what chaotic hell was going on. Every single time that man called, she was going through some type of desolation or turmoil. The calls were spread out just enough that they all hit at exactly the right times. She wished he was still here, not only to save her from boxed hair dye and to impress her with rock star styling skills but to talk to and laugh with because it was healthy. He was one of a small handful of healthy people she had.
She missed him.
Recalling these memories and writing them out is a forced realization. Every bit hits like a brick to the chest but not a single thing can change the past. Should she have said something to him that day…that one random day they both happened to be single? Would it have mattered? Would things have worked out? Would they be here now – in 2020 – experiencing what they are experiencing? Probably not, so everything happened exactly the way it was meant to. Each day, month, year…they were stones placed by the universe on the paved path from then until now. They were firmly planted as experiences, meant to teach them so they could grow into who they’ve become today. That path led them to exactly where they are meant to be. Some of those stones felt smooth under their feet and some of them tripped them badly enough, they each nearly crumbled and broke. Somehow though, here they are stronger individually and together than they ever were before.
Timing is everything and blessings come in all forms...even when they’re uncomfortable.