I didn’t think it would happen to me.
That someone would slowly set my heart free.
I didn’t think that my walls could come down.
I didn’t know I could straighten my crown.
I wasn’t aware how pent up I’d been.
How much and how long I’ve kept it all in.
I wrote a lot here and the surface was scratched, but a lot of pain was still so attached.
My story was told from beginning to end and the weight that it lifted let so much air in.
My lungs could breathe and I cried my eyes dry. A caring ear listened; I didn't ask why. I felt so drained yet entirely free for lifting that burden right off of me. I was grateful and thankful and was never once judged, with my puffy eyes and mascara all smudged.
"You're human," they said. "You didn't fuck up. You wanted love and got yourself stuck.
The person who caused it should heal it too but when they are selfish, that's not what they do. I'm sorry they weren't as sincere as you thought but I know you well...I know what you brought. You're the sweetest of souls, the best girl I know. Only a coward could just let you go." These words have stuck with me day after day. They started to clear so much that was gray. I beat myself up and took all the blame. I'm hard on myself and I know that's a shame. It turns into stress and I don't sleep at night. Panic attacks are my biggest fight. No one deserves that, including me. It's not how I am supposed to be. I once wrote a piece about those in our lives. The purpose they serve...the hows, whens, and whys. "A season, a reason, a lifetime," I say... The first two kinds leave and the last ones stay. Lovers and friends and family too... Think about how it pertains to you.
I'm grateful for "lifetimes" cause their hearts are real. You'll know who they are 'cause of how you will feel. There is no anger, distrust, or doubt because real happy peace is what it's about. Yeah... I didn't think this would happen to me. That someone would slowly set my heart free. I didn't think that my walls could come down
I'm starting to straighten and polish my crown. -S