A Season, A Reason and a Lifetime

Six years ago I sat at a tall high top square black wooden table in the cozy kitchen of my best friend nearly every single night. We drank coffee or wine, depending on the kind of night it was, and we snacked on all kinds of amazing goodness. One of her most endearing qualities besides her good nature was her food skills. I think the dips were my favorite...Oh, the dips...best dips I ever did have. I still make some of them to this day.  This snacking and coffee or wine drinking accompanied many nights of our hours-long conversations about life. People. Life with people, life without people and all of the hows, wheres, and whys in between. She said something to me one of these wine and dip nights that stuck with me then and has stuck with me since. She said, "Sher...I have a saying that I go by because if you think about every single person in your life, past or present, it's true. Think of them all...they'll fit one. Each person is a season, a reason, or a lifetime."  Like she so often did, she got a squinty intense Sher stare and she had my attention. 

What did that mean, this motto of hers? I thought about and I still do. She was right: Every single person fits one of the three. I don't see it as a way to negatively categorize anyone. I see it as a way for life and the people in it to make perfect sense. A Season - Some people come into our lives to stay a while and they're friends. They laugh with us, cry with us, share good and bad times with us, and make a lot of memories with us. Maybe they're co-workers we become close to. We vent, they vent. We laugh at lunch together and we're happy for their company for a day on the job. 

Maybe they're neighbors. We lend and borrow cups of sugar, some coffee or a stick of butter. Maybe it's a cap full of laundry detergent because we were three loads into five and ran out. Maybe we needed a cigarette, a hammer, or even something as random as hairspray because when we went to use what we thought we had, we found out someone had put it back in the cabinet empty. Sometimes people come into our lives to stay a while and it's a relationship. Maybe they're a rebound from something previous, maybe they were a breath of freshness in air that had become stale. Maybe they were a dose of necessary fun after a hardship. In any of these cases, maybe they were just really cool people to have around for a while and so that's how long they stayed. Their season may have been a month, six months, a year, or even three. Maybe we enjoyed their presence or maybe - on the flip side - they were the most annoying humans and we could not wait for them to go, to quit, to move, or just flat out leave. Whichever side of the fence they were on for us, they made impressions; lasting ones. Since their season is finished, they are now simply memories for us to do with what we wish and they're making new ones with others. So are we.   A Reason - These are the people who, after they're gone, we often realize served a very specific purpose and we know exactly what it was. Maybe they were a connection, a stepping stone or learning experience towards a new position in career because without knowing them, we wouldn't be where we are today. Maybe meeting that person is what led to the inspiration to move to another city, another state, across the country, or even across the oceans to the other side of the world. Maybe they helped us see ourselves in a different light because we didn't like what we saw entirely. Maybe they inspired us to become different or better in ways we needed some improvement. Maybe without knowing them, we would have remained in the exact same place and never have changed anything at all. 

Maybe they helped give us a child. Maybe they weren't cut out for us as a perfect fit and our time together wasn't meant to be permanent. Nothing bad can be forced into goodness. It will never work. I've experienced that. I have a beautiful daughter, but she blossomed from a toxic relationship. Her father and I could have made 5 more beautiful babies, but that meant nothing for us as a couple. We were not good for one another at all. We were mature and responsible enough to recognize that...and it was okay. She was okay. She is okay. The child is permanent and the child was the purpose. Maybe these people showed us everything a relationship is not supposed to be.

Maybe they showed us everything that it is supposed to be. Regardless, they were our educators and we were the lesson learners.

Maybe the purpose of these people was friendship. Maybe we were lonely, felt we'd lost connections with others, or always had just half-ass connections to begin with. Maybe these friends showed us how that kind of bond is really supposed to work. 

Again...these people were our educators  and hopefully we took good notes. 

A Lifetime - These are the people who, no matter what, we know will always be there. It isn't because of any feeling of obligation, duty, or guilt; it's because they truly, without an ounce of a doubt, cannot or do not want to imagine their lives without us. We also can't imagine our lives without them. If we're without each other, it literally, physically hurts. Maybe they're right next to us always. Maybe they're very far away. It doesn't even matter. They're our tribe. They're our soul twins and our soul mates. They're imprints. Days, weeks, months, even years can go by with not one word spoken, but it does not and will not matter. These paths never fully uncross and it's because of a mutual need and driving force that's beyond our comprehension or control. We can see one another and talk every single day but if not, at any given time, we can pick up wherever we left off if leaving off was ever the case. Friends, family, loves; it's all the same matter. They are infinity, they are forever, they are always.  So this motto of hers that we shared over some wine and some dip...What did it mean to me that night and all of the days since? With every encounter I've had of any substance, I've thought about these each time. It narrows things down, puts it in perspective, and has helped me to understand so much of my past. It has helped me come to to terms with negative experiences while smiling gratefully at the good ones at the exact same time. 

What does it mean to you? Who is in or out of your lives, past or present? Are they a season, a reason or a lifetime? 

Are we okay with our answers? Are we really? Is there anything we want to change? We can because possibilities are endless with happiness as a goal in all ways. 

Life is our story and we're the authors. We can write it and edit it however we want...we just have to remember that.