The alarm goes off and you hit snooze. You're exhausted, beyond exhausted, and getting up seems more impossible than hiking Mt. Everest. You finally fell asleep after tossing and turning all night. Your thoughts were running in crazy circles like a merry mixer at a carnival and kept you awake until you really didn't think sleep was going to happen for you at all. Money. The kids. A bad relationship. Work. Missing someone. Feeling lonely. Being misunderstood. Feeling like you made all of the wrong choices. It goes on and on. Did you fail? Did you f*** it all up? What have you done? What have you not done? Was it too much? Was it not enough? How could it have been better? Is there a rewind button? Can you push it? Once? Please? Why does everyone seem to be figuring this "life" thing out and you can't even figure out how to get past the middle chapter of it? It's got to be easier than this. It has to be. There must be a secret to it that no one has told you. Maybe you haven't spoken to the right person. Who knows. Maybe you did but you wouldn't listen. You're too stubborn. You're just gonna hit snooze one or two more times because sleep did finally come. It came and it carried you away. None of your worries were there at all anymore, and that's how you like it. Let's get back to that. Peace. Quiet. Comfort. Damn, this comforter is cozy and it's barely even light out yet but shit...You have to get up. You open the blinds and see how sunny it is. The sun is good...that helps some...but going back to bed seems like it'd help so much more. It's really the most comfortable escape. Nah. Escape is for wimps, cowards, pansies...whatever you want to call it.
You don't want to be those things, or at least you don't want the world to think you're those things, so what do you do?
You take your shower to wake yourself up for the day, maybe have some coffee, brush your teeth, fix your hair, grab your keys, and put your happy and normal I've-got-it-all-figured-out mask on, before you head out the door to start another mundane routine. I mean day. Then you can come back home and go to sleep again.
That's really what you're the most excited about.
Is this you?
Is this how you think and how you feel?
We aren't given directions on how to navigate this stuff. It's scary and it's challenging and a lot of times it really just sucks. Regardless; every morning that we wake up to that alarm, it's a new day and a new part of the journey.
We sure as hell can't predict what's going to happen but we can set goals.
If we set goals, we can be serious and proactive so that we can achieve them. Setting goals that we're serious about means that we're making positive choices about our own lives. It means we're trying to take steps to make things better.
Achieving those goals is the sweetest icing on the cake, and that makes tomorrow a little bit easier. When that happens, we start feeling good about ourselves instead of living in regret and worrying so much. All of it is one big chain reaction.
There are people who are important parts of our lives and who we must always highly prioritize and take into consideration.
Above all and most importantly, we need to remember that we have to - we absolutely have to - make ourselves happy first.
Initially that sounds selfish.
It isn't.
It's the truth.
How we feel affects every single person around us, negatively or positively. It hurts them or it helps them.
We. Have. To. Be. Truly. Happy.
If we aren't, we're not doing anyone any favors. We're hurting every single person around us. There's no band-aid.
There's no faking it.
That mask we put on before we walk out the door is bullshit.
We fool no one, not even ourselves. Children see through it, adults see through it, even our pets see through it. We don't have to keep a job we absolutely loathe and hate. Yes, we have bills to pay so we may need to hang onto it and look at it simply as a form of income but we sure as hell aren't stuck. Stuck is a stupid, ridiculous word. We are never stuck in any situation over which we have any amount of control. Keep the job for a while until we find a better one. All we can do is look until something comes along...and it will. There are a million and one things to do in this world so having to stay in one crappy one has about the same odds as winning the lottery, right? Right.
We don't have to stay in a bad relationship just because there are children involved. Toxic is toxic. Toxic is permanent damage. Abuse is abuse, whether it's physical, mental or emotional. It's all the same beast. It will drain you entirely. It harms everyone involved. If you're someone who's divorced or separated, or is thinking about it but feels awful or afraid - don't. Please, please don't. Trust your gut.
It hasn't and it won't lie to you.
Not ever. It doesn't mean you love your kiddos any less or that you're harming their lives.
It means you're recognizing a bad situation and helping them get out of it because they can't get out of it on their own.
In doing that, you're parenting them exactly how you're supposed to be. You're protecting them. I speak strongly to this for two reasons. The first is because I know of at least three people who have experienced or are experiencing it right now and it's difficult, I know that. The second reason is because I've been through it myself. I have hindsight to look back on, and it is helpful. There are questions and tears and fears, and that's okay. It will all be okay. Trust the process because it will lead you the way you're meant to be led.
We don't have to associate with someone just because they are part of our family. We can still love them but if they aren't a positive force in our lives, they don't have to be any kind of force at all.
Again, toxic is toxic and I speak from experience.
We don't have to stay friends with someone just because we've known them for x amount of years. If we argue more than we agree, if we are angry more than we laugh, if we feel bitter more than we feel warmth, then the ties are fraying and that's okay. Sometimes people and situations just change. See how that works? It's all tied together.
Eventually, everything connects.
Some circumstances are thrown at us as curve balls. We can't always control them but we can control how we react to them and how we overcome them. We won't always succeed but if we tried and we failed, it's sure as hell a lot better than not trying at all and always having the question, "what if?" running through our minds.
Not trying is failing.